I’ve been 29 for 6 years

When I was twenty three, I married El Senor. I also had Baby Gurl eight months later. Due to complications she came five weeks early. I’m not really sure why, but over the next few years, I could not remember how old I was. I broke my ankle when I was twenty five. At the immediate care, (That’s a story for another day, maybe a venting day) the nurse asked me how old I was, I said twenty three. El Senor looked at me and said, “No you’re not!” I swore I was, then did the math and sure enough, twenty five.

I have a birthday coming up. I’ll admit, I’m not looking forward to it. I make the joke when people I barely know are rude enough to ask how old I am, I’ll say, “I’m twenty nine. . . And I’ve been twenty nine for six years.” They laugh and I cringe. Why do we rush the years when we are younger dreaming of the day we will be the grown up, and then once the day arrives, we dread it and want to turn back time. ¬†It’s because even though childhood is fun, it’s not freedom. Adult hood is freedom, but with responsibilities. I think we really spend much of our time wishing for another time, when what we really should do is just be. Be in that moment. I should enjoy my few gray hairs, it’s not like they are going to go away, in fact they are going to grow friends. I should appreciate my few smile lines. After all I’ve earned them from having a life of laughter and happiness. And those “Frown lines” aren’t frown lines at all, but rather concentration lines.

That being said, I wouldn’t trade this past year for a hundred years as twenty nine. I’ve grown in so many ways that I didn’t believe was possible. I’ve received clarity, and am finding my way. With growing and clarity comes the aches and pains associated with such change. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, and that’s OK. I do know more changes are on the horizon. I look forward to 2014.

In Passing (A Poem)

In Passing.

Lying in bed, pretending to sleep,

So I can hear the rhythm of your heartbeat.

Driving on a dark road with my hand wrapped in yours,

Just so I can feel you close.

Touching your hair, tracing your face,

Memorizing everything there is about you,

In passing.

These are the simple things I hold on to.

These are the moments I need

To get me through the coming days.

Remembering where we sometimes are,

In passing.

Laughing while you cook and I wash the dishes,

Flirting with brushed touches and gentle jabs.

Slow dancing in the living room when no one is looking,

Sneaking pecks of kisses in between the turns.

Looking into your smiling eyes, feeling content.

But it only stays long enough to remind me,

It’s in passing.


An eighteen hour drivers probably too much time to spend inside my brain. As I drove while my family slept and listened as my children talked when El Se√Īor drove I made a few silent observations that made me both smile and sigh contently. This post may be more for myself later to look back on as I’m bundled up on a cold Indiana winter day, when I miss summer, my kids because they’re in school, or whatever irritations winter brings because there are plenty.
I digress. Here are my vacation observations. They may not mean as much to you but hopefully you’ll laugh too.

1. I don’t understand why Tennessee welcomes you to it as your heading south on 24 and have been in the state for two hours. I mean I get it if you go out of the state for a few miles and come back in but where is the welcome sign at the Kentucky/Tennessee border. That’s the accomplishment. That’s when it matters when you’re like am I in in Kentucky or Tennessee? In the middle of the night state lines are accomplishments.

2. Don’t beat yourself up when you realize five hundred miles in that you forgot something even if it’s important. I forgot my protein shakes, workout mix drink, and soap. But I remembered UNDERWEAR. Hooray for me! I’m on vacation. Besides I’m sure they’ll have a vitamin shop somewhere near me.

3. I should have confiscated his the kazoo.

4. Lilman: Does it ALWAYS rain in Florida?
Me: five minutes at a time, yes it does.

5. The highway is full of migraters. And people will pack their cars up every which way. There’s the tarped luggageon the roof rack, which was our method last year. Trash bag covered, gimpy hard covers and perfectly packed travelers. I say get yours however you can. And make it count.

6. I love watching my little ones be kind to each other. They don’t have the distractions of other friends and Internet. So they talk and hug on each other. It might be my favorite.

7. That damn kazoo!

8. The farthest plate I’ve seen is Arizona. El se√Īor: Ontario.

9. I still don’t mind driving through the mountains. I still mind driving through Atlanta.

10. Me: I’m hongrier than. A hostage.
Lilman: how do you know how much an ostrich can eat?
Kids are funniest when they don’t intend to be and when you least suspect it.
11. Faded Mohawk-mullets are popular in Florida this season.
I don’t get it.
12. Sometimes a salt-water pool is better than the ocean.

Let me (A poem)

I want to be your blanket.
I want to lie across you
with my head on your chest.
I move with you in a rhythm all our own.
Let me be your blanket.

I want to be your food.
I want you to feast on me for hours.
I want to know that I fulfilled you.
Your lips ripe with my juices.
Let me be your food.

I want to control your mind.
I want to steal your thoughts.
I want you to think of me with secret smiles.
Your time spent replaying our shared moments.
Let me control your mind.

Ode to the gym

I don’t do it to feel good,
Because it only feels good afterward.
I didn’t start because I suddenly needed it,
I’ve always needed it.
I didn’t do it to have a hot body,
That doesn’t happen over night.
I didn’t begin this journey to fail.

I go hard everyday for myself,
I’m not here to impress anyone.
If I fall I get right back up,
If you knock me down you better be faster than me.
There are no compromises.
There are no excuses.
There is only me.

Cyberbullying: It can happen to you and end with you.

According to Wikipedia:¬†“Cyberbullying¬†is the use of the Internet and¬†related technologies¬†to harm other people, in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner.”

We say,

¬† ¬† ¬†“Teens are out of control,”

¬† ¬† ¬†“How could they do that?”

¬† ¬† ¬†“When will it stop?”

I say,

¬† ¬† ¬†“With us.”

There is this confidence that possesses us when we get behind a computer screen. This¬†anonymity¬†and¬†invincibility, that no matter what we do, we are untouchable. If someone does something that we don’t agree with, what do we do? We post it on Facebook, with screenshots, and or go to our blog and blast that person, rather than talking to them directly, privately.¬† We let ALL of our friends know one side of the story our side, so they can judge and attack that person. Sometimes we “take the high ground” and don’t mention the name of the person, but we give enough of the story so it doesn’t matter, everyone will know who we are talking about. Just remember, there are three sides to every story, you side, their side, and the truth.

This behavior isn’t limited to teenagers, and in recent months I’ve witnessed too many instances where grown adults are cyber bullying others. If you target someone online, and maliciously attack them, that is cyber bullying. Unless they have done something to you personally, what ever happened between them and someone else is none of your business. Part of bully behavior is ganging up on someone. Blasting someone because they offended your friend is not only unnecessary but rude.

People make mistakes. Standing up for what is right is completely different than crucifying someone for errors. People will attack you for no reason, that doesn’t mean you have to gather all your friends and return the favor. I don’t know about you, but I want to teach my children to be kind, gracious, forgiving, and generous. How can we do that if we don’t lead by example. I’m not saying let people walk all over you, if you are being harassed, report and block the person. You will feel 100% better not seeing the negativity. It’s exhausting to be a miserable person. It sucks all of your energy. It’s so not worth it! I decided a long time ago, that I would not surround myself with negative, dishonest people. I’ve had to walk away from a lot of friendships that weren’t healthy for me. But I feel like a stronger positive person in doing so.

I’ve been composing this post in my head for close to a month now. If we continue to idly stand by and allow people in our industry, (writers, publicists, bloggers and publishers) an industry that I LOVE, to behave this way, we are condoning it. Over time, it’s not going to be the happy community it is now. This needs to be said and we need to stop ignoring it. It is an issue not just in high school.

This is going on in everyday life. It starts with you and me.


**Disclaimer: This blog post is in no way an opportunity to bitch and moan about poor reviews. This is not an attempt to slander any other author. This is a statement of facts, and my perspective.  I leave it to you the competent reader to decide what you will do next.**

Something More was intended to be a fun light read; a one-sitting, leave-you-feeling-warm-inside read. The only thing it ever was, was a novella. I had no idea it would be as popular as it has been, but I am grateful beyond words for it. On this crazy roller coaster I’ve had some intoxicating highs and not-wanting-to-leave-the-bed lows. Who knew numbers affected my emotions so strongly. I didn’t. There’s been a mix of reviews on this story, which surprised me.¬†To those who felt let down I want you to know I’ve read your concerns and am using that constructive¬†criticism to grow in my writing. I guess not every hit of the game will be a home run. I’m all for taking my medicine. I want to know what doesn’t work. There is a right and a wrong way to do it, respectfully. Please respect the fact that I take my writing very seriously. It is an art that I pour my soul into. I’ve never given less than 100%¬† of myself to any project that I am working on, even the blog posts that I write.

Facebook Quote

That being said.

There are a few reviews out there that are out right mean and hurtful. The intention of said reviews was to¬†evoke¬†a reaction. One review in particular on Amazon and Goodreads insulted not only my work, my editor and myself personally. Upon looking at the reviewers profile, I noticed her blog. After clicking on her blog I found she was an author, too. She. Was. An. Author. Too. ¬†I also found my book wasn’t the only book she gave a 1 star review to with similar insults. I want to work in a community where we lift each other up and support one another. This left a bad taste in my mouth. I also, realized that her review doesn’t matter. I actually feel sorry for her, she’ll never be satisfied because her standards are¬†unrealistically¬†high and apparently a level, she herself doesn’t have to reach.

I said all of that to say this.

If you are fed up, as I am, with reviewers who’s sole purpose is to hurt the author, do something.

1. Report the review.

2. When the website asks if this review was helpful, click no.

3. Put up your own rate and review. You don’t have to deeply review it, you could just say if you liked it, loved it, or whatever. It really does make someones day when you tell them you think they did a good job.

4. Do not feed the animals. Don’t engage with the reviewer. It’s not worth it, and like any other bully they live for the rise that they get out of you.

5. Tell your friends about the book. Word of mouth is one of the best review tool out there.

Finally, I really didn’t write this post to be a baby and cry about a bad review. I can take it if someone didn’t like my book. It’s OK. I just ask for the respect that I deserve.

I feel like I am exactly where I’m meant to be, and that gives me peace.

Friday Five Fave – Childhood books

*I’m a little late, it’s been a busy week*

When I was little there were a few picture books that I would read repeatedly. These are the books that I could still quote lines from today. ” ‘How was your class trip to the farm?’ ‘It was ok, untill the cow started crying.’ ”

5. Green Eggs and Ham -Dr. Seuss (really any Dr. Seuss books would work here but that was my favorite, I always looked at it in the dentist office, for whatever reason)

4. Bread and Jam for Francis – Russell Hoban (Again, I loved all the Francis books, and once I got a record of all the books read from the Library and listened to it non-stop for 3 weeks.)

3. Care Bears Book of Favorite Bedtime Stories – Illustrators: Tom Cooke, Troy Howell, Leslie H. Morrill, Stella Ormai, Bob Pepper, David Wiesner (This was a collection of folklore fables and poems, and this book might have began my love for poetry.)

2. Happy Birthday Moon – Frank Asch

1. The Day Jimmy’s Boa Ate The Wash – Trinka Hake Nobel ¬†(All time, hands down favorite childhood book.)

What is your favorite Childhood book? I’d love to walk down memory lane with you ūüôā

Swaag swag-swag- Sswwaagg

Seriously, I am blaming my foggy head and cold meds for this one.

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